Apparently, 2012 started giving me ideas of what I really want to be after college graduation. I wanted to be a doctor tbh since I was a kid, however it sounds impossible to me because I am the first born child and I have three younger siblings, and that my parents are kind of expecting so much from me (i think so) and I really think it would be so selfish of me if I would pursue and my list of excuses just goes on…
I remember on our last duty this December, my duty mates were talking about what would we want as a work after graduation. I mean, come on, there are lots of registered nurses who are unemployed and there’s a big possibility that we might have the same fate as them. And they started telling me that they couldn’t imagine me working in the hospital (they think I fit working in the office) and the feeling is just mutual. I’m starting to find interest in the concepts we are taking right now and I actually think the human body is cool and God is a real genius and everything, but really I couldn’t imagine myself taking care of patients wearing my white uniform.
It kept me thinking up until now, though if I were still to choose working as a nurse, I wanted to deal with psychiatric patients. Idk man, neurology/psychology interests me and I can’t stop myself from saying it’s wonderful. Like before I even started attending nursing schools, I do my own research about human thinking and everything. (maybe I’m more of figuring out what kind of thinking or character I have) I honestly thought of taking up psychology beforehand but I changed my mind because I don’t want to talk with depressed people because reasons. Another choice would be as a lecturer or maybe I could startworking for a review center. There’s just so much feels whenever I’m inside a classroom and the professor is really good, I usually have this crazy thoughts in my head like man I want to be like him/her. But that would mean I still have to take a master’s degree. And I have questions inside me such as what if I won’t be as good as him/her?, what if I end up being hated by the students (like how I feel towards boring lecturers), besides I can’t really talk in front of a huge crowd lol. But anyway, I’m thinking of writing articles for newspapers or something.. because I’m a frustrated writer.
Ugh so for now, all I know is I’ll keep on saving money because I’ll probably franchise a business after college though I am really bad at entrepreneurship. Haha for the meantime, I’ll just go with the flow. After all, God’s will will be done in the end.
It’s been awhile since I hated Sundays but I’m back to hating it because I couldn’t accept the fact that I’ll be back to school tomorrow. I probably need to get up really early because call time is at 6am. And I couldn’t be late anymore (you have no idea what I’ve gone through last semester because of this same clinical instructor and my messed up circadian rhythm that I had to go to school not taking a bath but at least I take long showers at night also okay but still. There I said it!!!)
But I don’t really hate Sundays, just the last few hours of it. Oh the pain of six hours of travel from the world of freedom to the world of reality. Diverting my attention to redesigning my cork board instead. Hi.
Just had to. I’ll be combing my hair for the first time this year anytime soon so I’m keeping this for ‘remembrance’ purposes. Also, I don’t think I could not get any nerdier. First, it was the brackets (since high school) and now eyeglasses because my eyesight got worse from 75-75 to 100-125 (with astigmatism) after one year. All I want is to go around being comfortable with this thing hanging on my nose bridge, and without looking like a professor or over-20 years old. I’m cutting my old habit of wearing it whenever I need to (e.g. like in class or movie house), and have finally decided to wear it every single day 24/7 if possible. I just don’t want to get blinder or what
This star’s narrative arc can be perfectly seen. Its life slowly fades into view, becoming brighter and brighter until the first minor burst of energy. And then, as if it new it was reaching its highest degree, it violently explodes with energy, creating more light than it had ever previously done, only to quickly die and fade thereafter. I hope I live my life as this star had, with my death coming shortly after I achieve my brightest moment.
I haven’t brushed my hair since new year hahahaha and I feel so pathetic and cool about it. My mother haven’t scolded me yet (hair stuff, still) because fair enough, I haven’t told her so you guys are the first one to know aside from me; and probably having a big hair and conditioning it are doing the job. I have this frustration of ombre-ing my hair and at the same time thinking twice because I could just imagine how dry it could get and and how not brushing my hair could make it worse. Besides, my hair’s length is just about my chest and my conservative parents are conservative. (don’t get me wrong, I am, too haha) I however don’t care even though I’m a student nurse because we’re required to bun our hair every freaking day. So basically, what’s inside my head is 90% about my hair and 10% of it is about capital S School in 4 days and how I’m still not ready for it, like I have a final concept on neurology by Thursday and I haven’t studied yet, as usual. And how come I didn’t bring my notebook and book. Let’s just see what luck I could get on the internet! I will also be testing (more like, practice) my patience and attention span. Yay??
On the other hand, I consider myself lucky already (though I don’t really believe in luck) because my siblings are back to school today and I’m like, wth they’re attending school only twice this week and the school should have moved it next week because that’s what I would be doing if I own the school, or at least, I’m the head which I think is never gonna happen, but who knows right? Practically, I’m alone today. But the good kind of being alone because I at least get to talk to myself. So okay, that is all
You know this year, I’m all for improvement (not that I didn’t want improvements before but I just have this really crazy drive this time) so I’m thinking about writing and stuffs. You know, making use of the right side of my brain. After all, I’ve always believed that I’m lefty even though I’m really righty. I just want to be good at something I really wanted ever since, or something I’ve discovered I could do surprisingly not too bad on the first try. I’m also thinking of keeping this blog this year, like really post something (if possible, everyday) I could backread after a year or years. And I could just imagine how I would laugh at myself in the future. Make fun of how I’m bad at expressing and telling stories.
However, I’m kind of an indecisive person so yeah, surprise surprise.
2012 was wonderful and the best is yet to come!!! Happy 2013!!!!
I don’t have much to say. I pretty much spent the first day of the new year in front of the computer, pinteresting (idk why i finally decided to create an account weeks ago!!!) and writing on my planner. I couldn’t imagine spending it any other way though cos I’m trying to start my metanoia right. And can I just say that I’m drugged by words and perfection??
Hope you guys have a really really good year ahead. The God we are serving are faithful so take heart and enjoy!! I’m blessed beyond words. Know that you are, too. :)
I decided to write a letter to God (a long and sloppy one.) 5 minutes before 12 mn, I will read it to Him and burn it right after. This letter contains my frustrations, struggles, thank You’s, sorry’s, my wants and a prayer. ☺ Tomorrow is going to be a new one, a new start and a continuation of what He began. ♥
Happy happy birthday, my Jesus!!!
The good thing about Christmas is everyone is invited to celebrate it, no matter what problem you are facing right now; it doesn’t matter if you have new stuffs, or if you don’t have much food to eat, or whoever you celebrate this day with. These are just external things, external happiness. Remember, Christ is the reason for this season— the greatest gift that the Lord ever gave us. His precious Son Jesus Christ who He sent to be the Savior of the whole wide world. ♥ What about welcoming Him to your heart so you will have peace and joy in your heart, and no one can rob you of that.
Have a very merry Christmas!!! It’s all about Jesus. Smile and God bless. :)
(okay time to stay away from the internet bye)
When Jesus chose to take the punishment that was meant for you, He was actually choosing His love for you over His own comfort. He’s God. He could have walked away and went on without you, but He loved you so much He wanted you to be free to come to Him and enjoy Him. Jesus chose you over everything else, beloved. He gave Himself for you. This is what True Love really is, nothing more and nothing less, and it’s already yours.
(December 23, 2012)
I woke up today to this view. I’m not sure if you could see it but it’s a flock of birds flying outside my window. You have no idea how close my bed is to the sky. And I like it. Very much. Just like yesterday at dusk, I could clearly see how the clouds tie dyed itself to my favorite pastel colors.
Earlier, I attended the mass with my mama. I don’t know how to feel though because it’s not like what used to be before. My siblings now prefer going out with their peers; so far from my younger teen version of me who preferred going to church with the family. Time flies, perhaps this is the side effect of aging. And oh, you could take away the perhaps from that because it’s the reality of today.
To be honest, my mind was afloat while inside the church. It doesn’t feel like home and I was drowning in how-do-I-get-my-family-out-of-this-religion-and-introduce-them-to-Jesus-so-they-will-have-a-relationship-with-Him-and-it-would-be-the-best-gift-I-could-give-them-and-it-would-be-the-best-gift-they-could-give-to-themselves-because-clearly-I-don’t-have-anything-for-them-yet-this-Christmas kind of thoughts. I miss my church in the city. And that’s pretty much it.
I’m staying here for almost a week already and my mama has been bugging me that I need to go out and I keep on declining the offer because I just don’t want to. I’m kind of introvert, and this is how I like to spend my break. I just need to have time for myself, I’m tired (well not really, I just can’t choose the perfect adjective) of being surrounded with lots of people. However, she was able to get me out of the house because after the mass, she dragged me to the market. It was kind of nostalgic, my mind was of fragments of beautiful words on how I missed strolling on the streets (unluckily, I’m not good at putting my thoughts into words). Well you could count the private vehicles on the narrow streets. It was only of tricycles, few jeepneys, and also bicycles; and people are not in a hurry, you could barely hear the sounds of sirens. No big buildings, except that of municipal office, banks, wet market, and supermarket. I could even stroll the whole town walking. No kidding.
I don’t know why I made this post though, and if it made sense. And I don’t know what to say anymore, so it all ends here.
Hi thought I should drop by to say I haven’t brushed my teeth yet… Lol kidding (Taken with GifBoom)
Hi. I’m on at this time of the night, and my internet speed is 0.0000001 kbps. But whatever because 1.) so many things transpired today—mostly well. Almost perfect actually, if only I’m in good terms with my stomach. 2.) I am just so happy and I can’t contain it. 3.) It has been a while since the last time I blogged. 4.) I am not yet in the mood to study. 5.) I am alone in my room.
Today marked the last day of duty for this year, and it was such a good way to end it because we did not handle patients, and joined slash facilitated the Christmas party celebration of the volunteers instead. Well aside from the food, it was all in all, a fun celebration because of the games and mainly because the participants were not such kill-joys (I’m talking about the clinical instructors and how they’re such game for anything. Hihihi can’t find the words to describe on how this crush-ng-bayan CI danced. Gahhhd, I wasn’t even able to look keenly. ++++ And also during the picture taking before we went back to school.) I missed attending Christmas parties like the ones we used to have during high school.
Not to mention, that one of my duty mates is celebrating her birthday today! Mini surprise included singing to her happy birthday at the top of our lungs lol, and JCo doughnuts and cake and letters. HA. She treated us in Shakey’s after our duty which is not such a good idea because we were still full. And probably the food we ate in the Christmas party isn’t yet digested. An hour just passed okay, but since it’s a treat—we could never say no. I decided to stay in the library (alone) right after because I have programmed in my mind that I need to study for my final exam… And it was a fiasco. My stomach started grumbling and so I decided to go home because I wouldn’t want to do it in school. Lol. And “luckily,” it was such a right timing (well, not really) because I crossed the road with my semi-crush, who is staying on the same building but not on the same floor, okay. And he was at my back. And we waited for the elevator. And I’m stuck on the elevator with him for few minutes, yes just the two of us. But then again, since we’re not on the same floor, it didn’t last long. However, spell akwradw.
And when I got in the unit, there’s this 3-month old cutie patootie baby boy and we nursed/harassed/took pictures of him for an hour. Ahhh I wanted to squeeze him. Haha PS I’m smiling while I’m typing this cos memories of today keep on flashing in my head. 121212 is such a happy day. Definitely, one of the best days of this year!